For many people, the hardest part of Thanksgiving isn’t the travel or the cooking—it’s sitting at the dinner table bracing for invasive questions, unsolicited advice, or tense debates.
When you already know certain relatives are going to ask about your dating life, your weight, your career timeline, or politics, walking into the room unprepared puts your nervous system straight into fight-or-flight mode.
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), one of the most effective tools for navigating high-stress events is a skill called Coping Ahead. Instead of hoping things go smoothly and getting blindsided in the moment, Coping Ahead means anticipating emotional triggers, deciding how you want to handle them in advance, and setting clear expectations before you even walk through the door.
To make this easier, our team at Middle Path Counseling created a “Coping Ahead For The Holidays” conversation guide that you can save, print, or send straight to your family group chat before any get-together.
Step 1: Agree on Topics to Leave Off the Table
Healthy boundaries don’t require a dramatic confrontation. Often, the kindest thing you can do for everyone at the table is gently name which topics are taking a holiday break.
Before your gathering, consider sharing a lighthearted text or sending our worksheet to set a shared agreement on topics of conversation to avoid:
- Politics and War
- Taxes and Money
- Church or Religion (unless it is already a shared staple for everyone present)
- Dating, Relationship Status, and Sexual Orientation
- Babies and Pregnancy
- Health, Body, and Weight
- Living Situations
- Educational or Career Advancement
- Mental Health
There is also space to add your own custom boundary (“Other: ________”) for that one topic that always derails your specific family.
Step 2: Drop the “SHOULD” Statements
One of the quickest ways a holiday conversation turns defensive is when someone starts handing out unsolicited advice disguised as “help.”
As our worksheet notes: Please remember “SHOULD” statements imply you know better than the other person.
Whether it’s “You should be saving more,” “You should look for a new job,” or “You should really try this diet,” “should” statements shut down genuine connection. Letting go of “shoulds”—both toward your family members and toward yourself—creates breathing room for everyone to simply exist without being evaluated.
Step 3: Keep Low-Pressure Conversation Starters Ready
When you take stressful topics off the table, it helps to have easy, engaging questions ready so dinner doesn’t fall into awkward silence. Keep a few of these “Get To Know You Better” questions in your back pocket:
- What is one way you have been brave recently?
- As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
- On a daily basis, what are a few simple things that make your day better?
- What’s a show that you are recently into, and why do you like it?
- Did you have to take a foreign language in school at all? What was it, and did you ever use it?
- What game do you feel your best at?
- What’s your best advice or life hack for a cold or flu?
- Name a trend you didn’t think would ever go away (hair, clothes, music, etc.).
You can also steer the table toward fun, neutral topics like new recipes, go-to desserts, places people want to visit, books they’ve read, favorite classes from school, or dream cars.
Need Extra Support Before or After the Holidays?
A conversation sheet is a great first step—but if the thought of seeing family brings up overwhelming anxiety, emotional burnout, or painful memories from the past, you don’t have to white-knuckle your way through the season.
At Middle Path Counseling MO+KS, we specialize in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to help you build practical tools for emotional regulation and boundaries, and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help heal deeper trauma so old family triggers lose their grip.
We currently have immediate openings—no long waitlists:
- In-Person Therapy: Conveniently located in Blue Springs, MO and Kansas
- Telehealth Therapy: Available from the comfort of home anywhere across Missouri and Kansas
- 24/7 Online Scheduling: View available therapists and book your first session anytime in just a couple of minutes.
👉 Book Your Appointment Online 24/7 at middlepathmo.com
📱 Have questions? Call or Text Us: 816-500-2070
