Relationship Repairs + the 25 Red Flags

Relationships take work. The healthy ones show signs of repairs and valuing each other in the relationships. The Toxic ones have warnings signs and Red Flags.

  1. Lack of compromise.
  2. Subtle control, such as strongly encouraging you to dress a certain way.
  3. Guilt tripping.
  4. Coercive behavior, or behavior that pressures you into things.
  5. Having a typically confrontational attitude.
  6. Unreasonable statements about how much they deserve, or what they deserve.
  7. Feeling as though the whole world is against them, all the time.
  8. Denying their behavior.
  9. Lack of trust in you.
  10. Lack of respect for your feelings.
  11. Sarcastic comments downplayed as jokes.
  12. Extreme jealousy.
  13. The silent treatment.
  14. Building you up, then breaking you down and repeating this cycle.
  15. Lying.
  16. Statements like, “If you loved me, you would x, y, z.”
  17. Gaslighting.
  18. Abusive actions in prior relationships.
  19. Cruelty toward others.
  20. Interrogations about your day and whereabouts.
  21. Sabotaging your friendships (isolation).
  22. Breaking boundaries.
  23. Not taking responsibility for their actions.
  24. Showing disrespect toward former partners.
  25. Constant checking in, needing to know where you are at all times.

Repairs are important in any relationship. Repairing is not an admission that your partner was “right” or that they have “won”. Rather, a repair attempt is an act of loving behavior not only to your partner but also to the relationship you share. It’s about putting your relationship first and ensuring that your relationship wins the fight.

Applying Dialectics Finding Middle Path Podcast

After learning what dialectics are, it is important to see how we apply the concept and how we challenge the old black and white / opposite thinking.  We use 2 resources this week. Lane Peterson – DBT Skills Training Manual and Atomic Thinking – James Clear  ( all on amazon ) .
  1. Applying Dialectics
  2. Understanding Dialectics
  3. Behavior Chain Analysis Tool
  4. Relationship Repairs and the 25 Red Flags
  5. DBT+5 Love Languages

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