Interpersonal Effectiveness: DEAR MAN

Want to learn how to effectively ask for what you WANT and what you NEED? DEAR MAN is the skill for you. Now that I have given you the sales pitch, I am sure you are wondering how true and effective this skill is. Why not try it?

The following skill is one of the first skills we teach when learning how to be effective. We have learned other skills up to this point about managing our emotions and even learning what we need and how to even self validate. Yet there are times when we will have an interaction with another person and in that conversation there will typically be an ask or a need that arises. It is important to learn how to ask for what you need and how to even say NO!

Look at the following description of DEAR MAN. See how you feel about them and then listen to the podcast to see how each one play together.

HINT: Its like a formula.

DescribeDescribe the situation. Stick to the Facts  
ExpressExpress your feelings about the situation. “I feel… “
AssertAssert yourself by asking for what you want or saying “no” clearly. Remember the other person cannot read your mind. “I would like…”
ReinforceReinforce by telling the other person why it is important that you get what you need and why they will benefit as well.
MindfulMindful (stay) – focus on your goals and don’t get distracted. Also be mindful of the other person and the timing of when and how you ask.
Appear confidentAppear confident by using a confident tone and body language.
NegotiateNegotiate. Be willing to give to get. Offer potential solutions and suggest that you take a temporary break and schedule a time to come back to the topic.
DEAR MAN

Effectively saying YES and NO. Finding Middle Path Podcast

Do you know how to effectively say YES and NO? The following is the DBT criteria for how to learn the intensity and the criteria on asking for a need to be met or for you to say no effectively and still maintain the relationship. Find more at http://www.findingmiddlepath.com 
  1. Effectively saying YES and NO.
  2. The FAST Skill and Bringing It All Together
  3. Give Skill and Levels of Validation
  4. Interpersonal Effectiveness – DEAR MAN
  5. Intro to Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

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