💔 Someone You Love Just Self-Harmed: What to Do Next

Finding out that someone you love has self-harmed is scary, heartbreaking, and confusing. You may feel shocked, angry, helpless, or unsure of what to say. These feelings are normal. It’s okay not to have all the answers right away.

This guide is here to help you respond with compassion, care, and clarity in the moments that matter most.

💡 First, What Is Self-Harm?

Self-harm (also called non-suicidal self-injury or NSSI) is when someone intentionally hurts themselves as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, numbness, or overwhelming feelings. It’s not always a suicide attempt—often, it’s a strategy to survive difficult emotions, not to end life.

That said, self-harm is a serious signal that the person is in distress and needs support.

🛑 What NOT to Do

When emotions are high, it’s easy to react from fear or frustration. But some common reactions can unintentionally make things worse.

Try to avoid:

• ❌ Shaming or blaming (“Why would you do that?” “What’s wrong with you?”)
• ❌ Making it about you (“How could you do this to me?”)
• ❌ Overreacting or panicking
• ❌ Threatening punishment or saying things like “If you ever do this again…”
• ❌ Dismissing their pain (“You have nothing to be upset about” or “You’re just doing this for attention”)

These responses may cause the person to shut down, hide future struggles, or feel even more alone.

✅ What TO Do

Here are some helpful ways to respond:

1. Stay Calm and Present

Even if you’re upset, try to ground yourself. Speak slowly, breathe, and let them know you’re there.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m here, and we’ll figure this out together.”

2. Validate Their Feelings

Let them know their pain matters—even if you don’t fully understand it.

“That sounds really hard. I can see why you’d be overwhelmed.”
“You must have been feeling so much to get to that point.”

3. Ensure Immediate Safety

• Ask gently if they need medical help.
• If wounds are serious or infection is possible, encourage them to seek medical care.
• Remove access to harmful objects if appropriate.
  **If you need a safety check list please reach out – Rachael@middlepathmo.com **

4. Listen More Than You Talk

This isn’t the time for lectures. Try to listen with empathy. Silence is okay, too. Being a safe person is more important than saying the “right” thing.

5. Encourage Professional Help

Self-harm is treatable. Encourage therapy or counseling gently—not as a punishment, but as a tool for healing. Consider finding a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapist

“Have you talked to someone about how you’ve been feeling? I’d love to help you find support if you’re open to that.”

6. Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone who self-harms can be emotionally exhausting. It’s okay to seek therapy, talk to trusted friends, or set healthy boundaries for yourself.

🧠 Understanding the Why

People self-harm for many reasons, including:

• To release emotional pain
• To feel something when numb
• To punish themselves
• To express what they can’t say in words
• To cope with intense anxiety or distress

It doesn’t mean they are “broken” or “bad.” It means they are overwhelmed and trying to survive.

🌱 There Is Hope

Many people who self-harm go on to heal and find healthier ways to cope. With support, therapy, and compassion, recovery is possible.

You don’t have to fix everything. Just being a nonjudgmental presence in their life can be incredibly powerful.

📞 Crisis Resources (U.S.)

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741
• The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ support) – 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678

❤️ Final Words

You don’t need to be perfect to be helpful. You just need to be present, open, and willing to learn. The fact that you’re reading this means you care deeply—and that matters more than you know.

Book an appointment with a DBT therapist today. Text or Call 816.500.2070
Email – Admin@middlepathmo.com