As the year comes to a close, many people feel pressure to evaluate themselves — What did I accomplish? What did I mess up? Why didn’t I do more?
From a DBT perspective, reflection doesn’t have to mean judgment. Instead of asking why (which often leads to shame or self-criticism), DBT encourages us to focus on What happened and How we responded. These questions help build awareness, self-compassion, and skillful change — without beating ourselves up.
Below is a DBT-informed way to reflect on the past year that supports growth while honoring where you are.
Why DBT Uses “What” and “How” Questions
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, What and How questions:
- Keep us grounded in observable experience
- Reduce self-judgment and rumination
- Increase mindfulness and Wise Mind access
- Help us learn from experience rather than avoid it
Reflection becomes less about grading yourself and more about understanding yourself.
Reflecting on the Year with DBT Skills
Mindfulness & Awareness
Instead of asking, Why am I like this? try noticing patterns with curiosity.
- What emotions showed up most often for me this year?
- What patterns did I notice in my thoughts, urges, or reactions?
- How did I respond when emotions felt intense?
- How did I practice being present during difficult moments?
Awareness is the foundation of change — noticing without judgment is already a skill.
Values & Wise Mind
DBT reminds us that Wise Mind holds both logic and emotion.
- What mattered most to me this year?
- What choices felt aligned with my values?
- How did I notice Wise Mind showing up?
- How did I balance emotion mind and reasonable mind?
Even small moments of Wise Mind count.
🛠️ DBT Skills & Growth
Skill use is not all-or-nothing. Progress often looks uneven.
- What DBT skills did I use most often?
- What skills helped me get through hard moments?
- How did my skill use change over time?
- How did I respond when I noticed I wasn’t using skills?
Remember: noticing you didn’t use a skill is still awareness — and awareness is progress.
❤️ Relationships & Boundaries
Relationships are often where skills are tested the most.
- What did I learn about myself in relationships?
- What boundaries became clearer this year?
- How did I ask for what I needed?
- How did I handle conflict or repair when things felt off?
Growth in relationships often shows up as clarity, not perfection.
🌊 Distress Tolerance & Resilience
Surviving hard moments is a skill in itself.
- What situations felt most challenging?
- What helped me tolerate distress without making things worse?
- How did I get through moments I once thought I couldn’t?
- What surprised me about my ability to cope?
If you’re still here, something worked — even if it wasn’t pretty.
🌱 Acceptance & Self-Compassion
DBT teaches radical acceptance, not approval — accepting reality as it is.
- What did I accept this year that I previously resisted?
- How did I respond to mistakes or setbacks?
- How did I practice non-judgment toward myself?
- How did I show myself care during hard times?
Self-compassion supports change; shame blocks it.
🔮 Looking Ahead: A Skillful Reset
Reflection isn’t about reinventing yourself — it’s about continuing forward skillfully.
- What do I want to carry into the next year?
- What skills do I want to strengthen?
- How do I want to respond when challenges arise?
- What small steps support building a life worth living?
Change happens through small, repeated, skillful choices.
A Final Thought
You don’t need to decide whether this year was “good” or “bad.” From a DBT lens, the question is simply:
What did I experience — and how did I respond?
That understanding is enough to begin again.
Middle Path Counseling MO 