Life can sometimes feel like it’s moving at full speed — emotions racing, thoughts spinning, and reactions happening before we even realize it. Whether it’s anger, anxiety, or sadness, these intense emotional moments can make us say or do things we later regret.
That’s where Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) comes in. DBT isn’t just a therapy—it’s a toolbox of practical skills that help you slow down, gain control, and respond more effectively to what’s happening around you. One of the most powerful tools in DBT’s Distress Tolerance module is the STOP skill.
What is the STOP Skill?
STOP is an acronym that reminds us to pause before reacting:
- S – Stop: Literally freeze. Don’t move, don’t speak, and don’t make impulsive decisions.
- T – Take a step back: Physically or mentally step away from the situation. Breathe deeply. Give yourself space to think.
- O – Observe: Notice what’s going on—inside and outside. What are your thoughts, feelings, and sensations? What’s happening in your environment?
- P – Proceed mindfully: Move forward with awareness and intention. Ask yourself: What action will help me reach my long-term goals?
This simple yet powerful skill helps create a buffer between an emotional trigger and your reaction. Instead of reacting automatically, you gain a few precious seconds to choose how you want to respond.
Why the STOP Skill Works
When emotions are high, the part of your brain responsible for logical thinking (your prefrontal cortex) goes offline. The STOP skill helps you pause long enough to re-engage that logical part of your brain. This can lower emotional intensity and prevent impulsive choices like saying something hurtful, storming out, or engaging in unhealthy behaviors.
Using STOP regularly can help with:
- Reducing conflict in relationships
- Managing urges like self-harm, overspending, or binge eating
- Improving communication during stressful conversations
- Staying grounded during anxiety or panic
Practicing STOP in Real Life
Here’s an example:
You get a text that feels dismissive or rude. Your heart starts racing, and you instantly want to fire off a response.
Instead, STOP.
- Stop your fingers from typing.
- Take a step back—put the phone down.
- Observe your body sensations, thoughts, and urges.
- Proceed mindfully—maybe you decide to respond later when you’re calmer or clarify the message with curiosity instead of anger.
That moment of pause can completely change the outcome.
DBT: Building a Life Worth Living
The STOP skill is just one piece of DBT’s broader approach to emotional wellness. DBT teaches mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness — helping people find balance between acceptance and change.
Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, or everyday stress, DBT skills can help you build a life that feels more manageable, meaningful, and balanced.
Final Thoughts
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or reacting quickly in emotional moments, try practicing the STOP skill this week. You don’t need to be perfect—every time you remember to pause, you’re strengthening your ability to stay in control of your emotions and your choices.
And if you’d like to learn more about DBT or work with a therapist who specializes in DBT skills training, our team can help.
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